Dark Shadows (2012) Plumbs New Depps

Posted in Reviews by - September 28, 2012
Dark Shadows (2012) Plumbs New Depps

Wow, I feel like I’ve just plumbed the very Depps of crapdom itself after bearing witness to the travesty which wass Dark Shadows. To its credit though, the film was so awful that you can still laugh at yourself for being such a tit and watching this joke of a movie in the first place.

The plot involves an imprisoned vampire called Barnabas Collins (Johnny Depp), who is set free after several centuries and returns to his ancestral home to rescue his beleaguered descendants (which include Michelle Pfeiffer, Chloë Grace Moretz and Gulliver McGrath) from a wicked Witch played by Eva Green.

The slapstick mayhem which ensues was as daft as Johnny Depp’s wooden acting, which has been lodged well and truly up Jack Sparrow’s anus since The Pirates of the Caribbean burst onto the scene back in 2003. As a result we are subjected to 113 minutes of the most metronome, detached performances straight from the Keanu Reeves school of acting, albeit with Depp putting on his oh-so amusing English accent which apparently Director Tim Burton can never get enough of.

Verdict

Should Have Stayed Locked In Its Crypt

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This post was written by bill-marlow
Bill Marlow is just some crazy dude whose mad about movies and started reviewing films after witnessing one too many atrocities at the cinema. He is also very fond of talking about himself in the third person.

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