Excision (2012): A Period Drama?

Posted in Reviews by - May 13, 2013
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Excision (2012): A Period Drama?

Excision follows the misadventures of Pauline (AnnaLynne McCord), an acne scarred, unkempt teenage misfit growing up in a repressed suburban family somewhere in the US.

When the demented, greasy-haired 18 year old isn’t busy rebelling against her mother Phyllis (Traci Lords), the unpopular high school student spends her time immersed in sexually charged bloody fantasies involving surgery, transplants and mutilation.

Excision then becomes a period drama briefly when Pauline determines to lose her virginity while mensturating to an unwitting boy named Adam, after which her delusions take on even more dangerous dimensions in this disturbing tale.

Excision is a truly perverse and unique …

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Anonymous (2011)

Posted in Reviews by - May 08, 2013
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Anonymous (2011)

This political thriller set in the 16th century follows a conspiracy narrative in which the plays and poems of William Shakespeare (1564-1616) are instead attributed to Edward de Vere, the 17th Earl of Oxford.

Although spinning a yarn questioning Shakespeare’s authorship, the glaring inaccuracies in the historical events presented highlight the fact that the chief aim of Anonymous is to be theatrical and entertaining first. Recorded history is therefore creatively re-imagined in order to present a compelling period drama in which the theatre of Shakespeare’s day becomes caught up in political manoeuvrings and a power play to decide England’s next monarch …

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Insidious (2010): More Piano Music And Bad Make-up

Posted in Reviews by - May 08, 2013
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Insidious (2010): More Piano Music And Bad Make-up

The Dictionary defines insidious as “Proceeding in a gradual, subtle way, but with harmful effects,” which adequately describes this B-movie hijacking-off of a Ghostly tale but without the subtlety.

But what else can you expect from a ghostly story these days but more piano music, slightly ajar doors and bad make-up effects. On the one hand you could argue that it would have been less excrutiating had monsieur le directeur missed out the first 40 minutes of Insidious, but in all honesty it would have been better if he hadn’t bothered with the remaining hour, either.

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La Horde (2009): La Bored

Posted in Reviews by - May 01, 2013
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La Horde (2009): La Bored

Its been a long time in the coming but at last a zombie film has been made by a bunch of actual zombies targetting an audience of the living dead themselves. Naturally, rigor mortis of the brain sets in soon after you start watching La Horde, but rather than feeling stiff as a board like a zombie, you end up feeling bored stiff, instead. The fact so many people gave La Horde positive reviews, however, strongly suggests that the zombie plague must well and truly be underway.

Directed and written by first-time filmmakers Benjamin Rocher and Yannick Dahan, the plot involves …

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Rambo 4-Arms (2008)

Posted in Reviews by - Apr 27, 2013
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Rambo 4-Arms (2008)

Rambo 4 tells the story of a group of Christian missionaries held hostage  inside military ruled Burma, with an American Pastor then contracting Rambo and a group of mercenaries to help free them.

However, in stark contrast to other Rambo movies where Sylvester Stallone muscle poses his way to self glory, this time around the 61 year-old actor must have been too self conscious of his love handles and sausage veins that the central focus of Rambo’s character now shifts to his forearms. In fact, so prevalent were shots of Rambo’s elbow to wrist area that Sylvester Stallone really missed a …

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The Revenant (2009)

Posted in Reviews by - Apr 27, 2013
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The Revenant (2009)

From the moment this movie started rolling with a poem and a piece of classical music, I already suspected The Revenant was going to be a thing of quality and boy did it deliver.

During its opening sequence we witness First Lieutenant Bart Gregory (David Anders) killed under mysterious circumstances in Iraq before his body is returned and buried back in the US. At this point the subtle dark humour was filtering nicely through the serious subject matter but from the moment his articulate decomposing corpse seeks out his best pal Joey Leubner (Chris Wylde) at home one night, The Revenant …

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Survival Of The Dead: Demise Of The Romero

Posted in Reviews by - Mar 06, 2013
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Survival Of The Dead: Demise Of The Romero

Survival Of The Dead was written and directed by the Godfather of zombie movies himself George A. Romero, with the film revolving around two feuding Irish families who for some reason are living on an island just off Delaware during a zombie apocalypse.

Unfortunately, the undead just looked plain stupid but still demonstrated more intelligence than the characters, who made all the obvious mistakes in order to try and force an otherwise non-existent plot. To his credit George A. Romero did at least make a half-assed attempt to raise a number of social issues in Survival Of The Dead, all of …

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